Late March is such a great time of year, but not for
the reasons you think. Springtime is great, but what makes March so great
are two things. Those two things
are the college basketball tournament (March Madness), and Opening day of
professional baseball. Like a lot of guys, sports are something I follow
and love. With the joy of having two boys that enjoy playing sports, it
is easy to get consumed in it. Recently, I read an article. As a parent it made me
think about sports, my kids, and how I react to my kids involved in
sports. I would like to share this article with you with the hope that it
makes you think about your kids or grandkids and sports. Enjoy the read!
Marty Burgess
College Pastor
The Only Six Words Parents Need to
Say to Their Kids About Sports—Or Any Performance
I’ll be honest: I kind of hate a lot about
kids’ sports. It’s one area where Kara and I hold different opinions. I’m the
wet blanket in the office about everything from little league to major sporting
events. Mainly I get concerned about the ways our culture obsesses about kids’
performance. All kinds of parental anxiety and dysfunction plays out on the
sidelines and in the bleachers, and you only need walk to your local park to
catch a glimpse for yourself. Sports have such potential to build character,
perseverance, and skill. Sometimes they succeed, and other times coaches,
parents, and mobs of hot-or-cold fans burn out or puff up kids in quite
damaging ways. All that aside, my son’s getting ready to play T-ball this
spring. I say getting ready, because after sign-ups we were informed that
“spring training” would begin immediately this week. I didn’t sign up for that.
They want kids there four nights a week, pre-season, to build skills prior to
being placed on teams. Did I mention this was just at my local neighborhood
park league, not “competitive” T-ball? In the midst of considering my own
response to this, I stumbled across this great article by student leadership
development expert Tim Elmore. In it he discusses research on what parents can say both before and after the game to encourage their kids, without making everything about performance (either positively or negatively).
Elmore suggests: Based on psychological research, the three healthiest statements moms and dads can make as [kids] perform are:
Before the Competition:
Have fun.
Play hard.
I love you.
After the competition:
Did you have fun?
I’m proud of you.
I love you.
It gets even better. Researchers Bruce Brown
and Rob Miller asked college athletes what their parents said that made them
feel great and brought them joy when they played sports. Want to know the six
words they most want to hear their parents say?
“I love to watch you play.”
That’s it. Nothing aggrandizing
like “you’re an all-star,” and nothing discouraging like “here are a
couple of things I noticed that you can work on.” Just “I love to watch
you play.”
As I gear up for T-ball, band concerts,
gymnastics practice, and everything else I’ll be watching my three kids do this
year, I’m internalizing these six words. I’m sure I’ll say other things, some
that are helpful and some that aren't.
But I want my kids to hear that doing what
they do, and learning about who God created them to be, is a joy to watch as it
unfolds.
